


The Woes of the Witnesses

by waterlilyvioletfog



Series: JB Through Other's Eyes [3]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: And he wants to cuddle with his bf, F/M, Jon is just deeply embarrassed on Jaime's behalf the whole time, Minor Satin/Jon Snow, Miscommunication, POV Jon Snow, Sansa has given up, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Sibling solidarity, The Horror! The Horror!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24705919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterlilyvioletfog/pseuds/waterlilyvioletfog
Summary: The room was silent for a few moments as Jon watched their backs. Once he was sure they were out of earshot he turned to Sansa, alarm filling his face."They can't possibly be serious."Sansa grimly ladled soup into a bowl. "I assure you, Jon, they are completely in earnest. Whenever we stopped at an inn, there would be a room for myself and Lady Brienne and a room for Podrick and Ser Jaime. When I found out they were married, I offered to share with Podrick- he'd never do anything untoward, you know- but she refused. They haven't even been in a room alone together since I've been with them, let alone sharing a bedroll. They have not consummated it. I think they're planning on getting an annulment as soon as they find a proper septon."Jon Snow was at a loss for words.Jon is deeply embarrassed to have to witness a few scenes of Jaime and Brienne failing to properly communicate.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Series: JB Through Other's Eyes [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1766911
Comments: 11
Kudos: 86





	The Woes of the Witnesses

When Sansa had introduced Ser Jaime and Lady Brienne as "Lady Brienne of Tarth and her husband, Ser Jaime Lannister", Jon had thought it odd, but their last intelligence of the Kingslayer had been that he'd been dismissed from the Kingsguard by his sister. He _could_ have gotten married. And the way he looked next to his lady- it looked _right_ to Jon. They belonged together, they loved each other, he could tell. So, naturally, he had suggested that they sleep together in one of the larger rooms, and have Lady Brienne's squire, Podrick Payne, sleep with other boys his age. A look of panic overtook both when he said this.

"That won't be necessary," Lady Brienne said hurriedly. "Pod will stay with me. Ser Jaime will sleep on his own." 

Jon caught a flash of disappointment on the Kingslayer's face before it smoothed back into indifference. 

"As you wish, my lady," Jon nodded. The Maid of Tarth bowed and left, followed quickly by her husband.

The room was silent for a few moments as Jon watched their backs. Once he was sure they were out of earshot he turned to Sansa, alarm filling his face.

"They can't possibly be serious." 

Sansa grimly ladled soup into a bowl. "I assure you, Jon, they are completely in earnest. Whenever we stopped at an inn, there would be a room for myself and Lady Brienne and a room for Podrick and Ser Jaime. When I found out they were married, I offered to share with Podrick- he'd never do anything untoward, you know- but she refused. They haven't even been in a room alone together since I've been with them, let alone sharing a bedroll. They have _not_ consummated it. I think they're planning on getting an annulment as soon as they find a proper septon." 

Jon Snow was at a loss for words. 

Sansa nodded sympathetically. "I know. It really is horrifying, to see two people so very in love and so totally in denial of it." Jon could tell she was conjuring up tragic love songs in her head already. 

"It isn't only that," Jon spluttered, "He's- he's _Jaime Lannister_. The Kingslayer! Youngest man to ever be appointed to the Kingsguard, knighted by Ser Arthur Dayne himself, one of the most notorious people in the Seven Kingdoms! He killed a king, cuckholded another, and fathered two more! He is without shame! He's untouchable! He has some ten or twelve years on her! And- he _doesn't realize??"_

"Mmm," Sansa still looked sympathetic, eating her soup. "And Lady Brienne hasn't even the faintest idea, either." 

"But he _married_ her!" 

"Extenuating circumstances," Sansa shrugged. "I've tried to speak with her about it but- she's just so stubborn." 

Jon stared at Sansa, grey eyes filled with horror. 

"Dear gods," he murmured, "and you and Podrick have been traveling with those idiots for _months_? I am so very, very sorry, Sansa. If I had had any notion of how to find you-" 

"It's fine, brother," Sansa said warmly. "You become accustomed to it." 

"Gods, I hope not." 

******* 

Jaime Lannister did not drink very often, and Jon was starting to realize why. 

"She's just- Gods, she's so beautiful, and I- _hic_ \- I love her, _so_ much." He was lying on the ground in the courtyard, freezing cold mud seeping into his hair and clothing, and Ser Jaime Lannister didn't even seem to notice. 

"Oh, dear Gods," Jon whispered to himself, trying to back away without being seen. He did _not_ want to have to be responsible for delivering a drunken Kingslayer to his rooms. He wanted to spend the night in his _own_ rooms, with Satin. 

"My love!" Jaime called out suddenly. Jon froze. Oh Gods. No no no no no no no no no he did not want to be present for the drunken fumbled seductions of on Jaime Lannister!

"Ser Jaime," Lady Brienne said, weary. Her clothes were plain despite the feast they had just held to celebrate liberating the North from the Boltons and setting Rickon up as the new King in the North, with Sansa and Jon acting as co-regents. "Jaime, come on, get up." 

"I'm a bit drunk, sweetling. Pick me up? _hic_ You're strong, you can do it." 

Lady Brienne sighed and walked over, hooking one arm under Lannister's legs and the other under his upper back. The Kingslayer gasped in mock astonishment. 

"Wench! How shameless of you! Are you going to carry me like a bride all the way to my rooms?" Jon's desire to melt into the ground and never hear such awful things again increased. 

"Enough, Ser." 

"Oh! Oh, I'm sorry wench, don't be- _hic_ \- upset! You know I- you know I don't mean it." 

"I know, Jaime." 

Her voice- Jon cringed with the realization of what Lady Brienne thought. 

"Look," Ser Jaime said, "I know you don't want to be married to me. It's alright, _hic_ you don't have to take care of me like this, wench." 

Brienne just hefted Ser Jaime's weight in her arms again. Jon privately reflected that Lady Brienne was probably the strongest person he'd ever met other than maybe Grenn. 

"You're drunk, Jaime. I'll carry you to your rooms, you can't walk there on your own." 

"Alright, wench." Then they slipped into the castle, leaving the courtyard deserted except for one deeply embarrassed Jon Snow, who swiftly retreated to his own rooms seeking the warm embrace of death (and his lover).

**Author's Note:**

> Here is how each Starkling reacts to JB:   
> -Sansa: thinks it's cute! makes fun of Jaime but like in a polite way. Saving money to commission a love song written about them.   
> -Jon: DEEPLY embarrassed, just wants to sleep, thinks its ABSURD but refuses to do anything about it he's just like "NOPE nope nope not going to touch that"  
> -Arya: bullies Jaime. Tells Brienne she deserves better. Would challenge Jaime to a sword fight for Brienne's honor. She's 12. Of course she'd challenge Jaime Lannister to a sword fight. She'd win, too.   
> -Bran: doesn't particularly care as long as everyone's happy   
> -Rickon: "gross"   
> -Robb: would be disgusted/would roll his eyes and not care


End file.
